Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
