Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it because I queefed?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
