I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
