Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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