She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
