I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
barbara walters just said penis...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
