I am full of burrito and curiosity
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Houston, we have a blender
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
