mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
