i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
