I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
