Walk of Shame today included voting.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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