happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
