so that wasnt chicken after all
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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