batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
