I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
