The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
