I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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