To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
