That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
