Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
