is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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