Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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