Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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