My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
