I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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