She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
