good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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