It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fill condoms, not promises.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
