My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
