you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
