last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize