Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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