do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
