I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
