so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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