Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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