they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
