So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize