"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
