Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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