Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
