I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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