The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
