I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
