There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
