drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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