My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
