I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
