"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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