I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
