Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
