I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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