So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
