i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
