He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
