I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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