Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
