the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
