well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
