I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
