hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
