Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
