Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
