Buhtt sex?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
