This girl is more easily done than said...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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