i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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