Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize