dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
