No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
