I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize