I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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