Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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