Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
