you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
