I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
