Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
