After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
