I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
