i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
