I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
