...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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