So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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