guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
